Addiction

There is no way I could know what you experienced, right ? I couldn't possibly feel that need... Like a 1000 hiding voices whispering "this is who you are!" and you fight the pressure the growing need rising like a wave.
prickling and teasing and prodding to be fed but the whispering gets louder till its screaming "NOW!" and its the only voice u hear. the only the voice you want to hear, and you belong to it.
to this shadow self...
to this dark passenger.
Yes, The dark passenger.
~Lila

I am in love with that passage lately, to the extent that I wish I was able to write something on that caliber.
anyways, the other thing that was playing in my head lately is that I came across an article a while back regarding changing habits that i totally loved and wanted to have my go at but given how efficient i am it took a few weeks to get to it and now I can't find that article to atleast give credit to it since it was the inspiration.

So sometimes you come to a point when there are certain habits that you picked up along the way, that regardless of how you view them, you feel that you might be better off dropping them or may just want to adopt new admirable habits that you think you will be happier having.

1. Ask your self why you do it ? Unless you know why it has became such an internalized need for you to do those thing(s) you will not be able to summon that extra will power at the instances when you are the weakest. It does take some introspection to find those reasons, its not such a bad idea to monitor yourself for a period of time, or recalling how you happened to pick up that habit at first and why you like it right now.
For me that would a time filler, a relaxant, a medium for focusing and clearing my thoughts, and
a nostalgia for lost things.

2. Decide Why you are going to be dropping the habit: first thing along the way, there is really no need to venture too far for reason. If those reason are not innate atleast reason with yourself to make them so, if you are not convinced that this is the right thing to do for yourself there is no way you will be able to persevere.
For me its slightly brutish and silly but the reason for me to do what am doing is that i hate to have a shred of a doubt of me not being able to do it. Call it jakara bi 7alee, but usually thats the biggest motivator for me. Some others might find health reason, some others might have the benefit it instills into others around them... to each his own but all must internalize those reasons.

3. Fill the void: Its not called a habit for nothing, this is something that has been pretty much part of who you are for years. Don't be naive to think that you can just forget about it, YOU CAN'T.
So best way to do that is to try to fill the void that will be left, try to replace it with something else. Think cough drops if you smoke, you bite your pencil buy a whole bunch of pretzel sticks or twirlers. I know its not the same and am still trying to work on better solutions.
Try to find replacements that would be able to satisfy most of the needs you have identified.

4. Remove the temptation: what's out of sight is out of mind, if its not going to be in front of you, you will reduce the amount of time that it will be calling for. you have to also minimize the exposure to things that are associated with your habit (e.g. ashtrays, "people")

5. Don't be discouraged: what you have been doing for the past 12 or so years you won't be able to over come in a week, month or even a year. you are certain to have some setbacks but there is no reason to be discouraged not even if you lose control and binge a bit. Hey after all you don't really hate it, actually you like it a lot so its understandable (<-- my dark passenger speaking there)

6. Set milestones: check progress on the firs week, month, 3 months and year. see how much you manage to achieve at each point and when you break it down it gives you a foreseeable point that you can look forward to. (please no obscure 12 step crappy milestone styles those sux)
It's like being on the tread mill for 30 minutes and your losing your breath and about to collapse on minute 28, because u know you have it in you to wait the extra 2 minutes it helps to tough it up and finish them. although on the other hand if you didn't know you had 2 minutes to go you are more prone to just drop it. same thing could happen if you start obsessing about how much time passed it will just remind you more about what you are doing and will be a counter productive process.
the best method for me so far is just to forget about how long its been, and only when am feeling a bit discouraged to check how much time is left for me to reach on of those milestone and take solace in that

7. "My favorite" Reward yourself: what a better motivator than that :) and if you normally reward yourself regardlessly its an excellent excuse to pamper yourself even more. (a new hard disk, me wacom, and a trip, it's gonna be lovely !)

8. ask for accountability: tell a few people what you are trying to do, ask them to ask how you are doing every once in a while. They have to be people that you are honest with atleast, so that when asked you will no avoid the missteps you had and face them. Thats one thing the AAA got right having somebody that you are forced to be honest with not because you want to but because they know better. Get yourself and accountabuddy! ask him to not go easy on you even if you ask for it.

9. are there others like you ? the sense of competition in us is so great that if u can find somebody else going through the same thing you are it will give you a major boost to not fall behind that person in progress. It doesn't matter if you know him or not, you can find somebody on the internet and keep track with them, and that will be a good time to get to know someone new.

10. If you have a loved one do it for them: this might be a bit of a twist, but if your loved ones would be happy with you quitting your habit then even if it doesn't make much sense for you to quit it then do it for them.
For if you are the type of person that takes a great deal of pleasure out of seeing your loved ones happy then there would be no better reward than that.
and if you don't have a loved "one" might be a good time to preoccupy yourself with getting one :P

yeah it sucks that am writing an advice column sounding post .... but it seems writing about it will atleast help me keep tabs and serve as a reminder.

ps. I beg you, please oh please no encouragement. I already told you that am jiker (is that gile ?) so it might be counter productive but thanks in advance if thats what u had to say :P
pps. Quit the pep talk already, so out of character
ppps. Tougher luck ! I love to use those ps's even tho some grammar police bloggers might digress & object about that one too
pppps. $hit, i can't think of a puzzle ... that sucks .... oh wait might already did the puzzles something looks amiss with all those ps's
p...s. Never use this one again, by the way japanese people read differently from us traditionally
p...s. Got to say this thanks to the people who actually had me on their mind for the blogger thingy, i think u know who i like to read and i try to make my presence there even if there are still some of u that confuse bambam with a female for some odd rzn, and turns out that am funny, weird ...
p...s. Bitter quitters who were proud of their will power to quit a habit have manage to eradicate a part of them and that made them what they are today. thats what i think happened for them to be so self rightous and think they are better than the rest because, pitty them, they managed to quit and become over zealous bitter people who turn off any others from quitting for the fear of becoming like them