Things that make me a "Cynical Monstrosity"

I truly don't like being the mean guy, but sometimes am so frustrated with people that it exorcises my demons and unleashes them on the culprit.
when that happens i turn into the cynical monstrosity that you don't wanna mess with

some of the common cases that I face on nearly daily bases

Case 1:
culprit: Hello "no_angel" can you come do so & so for me ?
No_Angel : sure i'll come right down
--so I go down and start working on the issue--
culprit: no thats not how you do so, & so
--I ignore, and start counting one Mississippi ... two Mississippi ....
culprit: no you are doing it all wrong, you need to do the following ..... and he starts doing it
--in the meantime am boiling! Why the hell did you ask me to do what you were already too lazy to do and then start doing it.--

CURE : next call from the guy be politely rude and skeptical, you will hear less from him :D

Case 2:
with out uttering a word of English and meeting the person for the first time and the first line out of his trap

culprit:Hi
No_Angel:2ahlan
culprit: shoo kont fee 2amerca leish 2irji3et ?
no_Angel: (interesting) keef 2i3rifet ?
culprit: 3arabeetak 3'areeb7, ma 2oltilli leish 2irji3et
no_angel: I just didn't like it there, so i came back to work here. anyways the economy is shit over there so wasn't even worth the trouble
culprit:3'areeb 3ad 2illi sa7eb bsoo2 truck 7'odar honak 2o mabsoot
--mind you am an electrical engineer so I guess he found it suitable for me to be a "trucker"--
Cure: make him ur sadistic pleasure plant a mine and enjoy the fireworks

Case3
culprit: shoo 3indak rannat 3all mobile
no_Angel: none, my mobile doesn't support them. it's a motorola c51
culprit:shoo maznoo2 3ashan heik ma 3'ayart mobilak, 2il Nokia N73 bijanen nizel 2ijdeed
no_angel: no its good enough for me it makes clear calls when its battery life dies out i'll change it
-- and that is the culprit&Co highlight of the day ---
Cure: none, Do I really have to be an airhead to fit in this society?

I don't how my joking abilities will be met by the masses(the whole "one" of them) but anyways hope I at least got a smile out of you :)

as for me the number on my"be cynical with" list is expanding exponentially so back to teasing my sadistic pleasure MWAHAHAahhahaha