Childhood theories and musings

When I was a kid trying to make heads and tails of the world I always came up with amusing and pretty wild theories for why things are the way they are. Somewhere along the line of knowing more about the world it managed to unhinge the imagination and tuck away in the back of my mind.
I am not really sure what made recall those weird theories today, but am sure as hell proud of every single one of them.

The theories:

• We had a really bitter French teacher (if anyone went to the bishop school then i think her name was Fatikha) for some odd reason she had one of those hair pins and it always looked like a femur bone to me. so the deduction that i came to is that i shouldn't be annoyed because she is a total bitch and very mean after all she has lost a child and thats the source of that peculiar hair pin.

• There is a vast difference in behavior between girls and boys, and I also couldn't help but notice a considerable difference in behavior between Christian and Muslims. since I figured out that girls don't have dinosaurs in their pants I went to look for how Christians were different since i associated behavior differences to physiological origins. I found one main feature difference, Christians got a couple of more visible veins that are green in color in their foreheads while Muslims don't so thats how i used to identify Muslims and Christians as a kid

• I used to love dinosaurs as a kid, and was always fascinated by the fact that they went extinct. I even had my own theory of how they went extinct and every time I was in the bathroom I was reminded with my theory, here it goes.
  It is as follow, a certain body part of mine really resembled a Triceratops' head. So that means dinosaurs didn't go extinct they got so friendly with humans to the extent that they became part of their body and thats how we don't have any dinosaurs around. thats One reason I took good care of my Triceratops :P

• There was a deep innate belief/wish in me that I was adopted, or if that wasn't the case then am atleast an alien spawn that was transplanted into this family (hmm actually that still sometime cross my mind till now). So I was always was anticipating the moment when my parents are going to break that news to me, and how I would be devastated and live the homeless tough life and triumph over all the hardships (\earn me a dancing dog and clamping monkey friends along the way) and dramatize that whole thing in my head. I attribute those symptoms as an emotional reaction for the sheer amount of depressive ass shows that i was made to watch as a kid ! Think Remi, lady lady, sally, Bell & Sebastian , Adnan wa lina, Sandi bell and a few more that were all orphans living the tough life .... good what were the dubbers thinking when they picked them.

• There is a way to gain super powers, all you need is pain tolerance and perseverance. Here is how it goes, you have to gradually expose your body to higher and higher heat levels for longer and longer periods of time. Eventually over time you will be able to teach your cells how to generate heat by themselves and you can be a flaming man just like the human torch. I think that lasted about 6 months then my heat source was taken away; read it was winter and my bed was smack stuck to the radiator.
  

In conclusion I was damn kick ass kid, no wonder that my parents just left me to watch TV rather than me asking them question. Also If you didn't know TMNT when I was in first grade you deserved to spontaneously combust in my eyes!
ENJOY !

thf fjrst rfbljzbtjpn cbmf bs b shpck bt brpvnd thf bgf pf twflvf
hint: a twist on the crypto